Happy

I have many things to be happy about. I have even more things that I am blessed with. My kids are amazing.

Its funny to think about how I planned my life and where I thought I would be today. The life I lead is nowhere near the life I imagined.

Children were not in my plan. My husband and I even discussed this before we married. Because of my childhood, I never wanted to bring a life into this world. The chance of me messing up this persons life was too great. I had no idea how to parent. I didn't want to take the risk.

Settling down in my hometown was not an option. I wanted to travel, see,  my  career goal was to be a journalist. I wanted to work for Fox or BBC reporting on global issues.

Islam, always in the back of my mind, but never a priority. I didn't see myself changing.

Then something changed.

While in college, I rediscovered Islam after abandoning it when I was 15. My family is not Muslim, but I have always been drawn to Islam. I always felt a connection with Islam. This time the conversion stuck. I wanted to learn more, do more and immerse myself in worship.

I got married to my boyfriend of 3 years, who also because Muslim after attending the mosque. We started a life together and I got pregnant with my first son a year later. It all happened so fast. I didnt have time to sit back and reassess my goals.

I planned, Allah planned. He won.

With great difficulty I settled into my new existence. My life would never be the same. My career goals were put on the back burner and I settled into motherhood and being a stay at home wife.

This new life was difficult for me. I struggled to find myself for 4 years. I was depressed because this is not what I planned.

A few years later and after many adjustments, I decided that I would carve out my own happiness. I didnt know at the time that happiness is something you have to work to attain. you learn that as you get older and wiser.

Happy is not something that falls in your lap. Happiness is a goal to achieve. Something to strive for.

I decided to carve out my own career and make something happen for myself. I decided to educate myself and be the best mom I can be for my children. I decided to work on having a strong marriage. I decided to be happy.

I'm not traveling the world, but my company is worldwide. I'm not childless, but my children are everything to me. I am happy to be a mom. They bring me so much joy. They are truly a blessing. My children helped bring my family closer and I thank Allah for placing them in my care everyday. I guard them with my life and I sacrifice for them.

I am religious and deeply in love with my faith. It defines me and how I conduct myself. It has forced me to face my issues and deal with my shortcomings. It has restored my hope in mankind and all the wonderful possibilities in the world. Without it, I am nothing.  It is me.

Today, I feel hopeful and I will continue to carve out my happy.