I have seen the disasters that befall those who believe in unconditional love:
Who are they?
- Abused spouses who do nothing to fix the situation (some people don't even know they're being abused sadly).
- People who allowed to say and do anything with no consequence.
- Passive aggressive people who don't know how to resolve conflict because to argue or to defend oneself would be detrimental to a relationship.
- People who lash out instead of reaching out when there is a misunderstanding.
Love, between adults, should have many conditions.
I like to call the understanding between spouses The Dance. My husband and I have learned our dance. We have been practicing this dance for many years. This year will be our 17th year together. While we don't have all the answers,we do know this: We love each other with these three conditions:
Respect, Honor & Consideration: The Dance
Sounds simple, but many, many people cannot translate these terms into their relationships
Respect me: To view me as an autonomous unique individual with feelings. Regard my feelings as valid, speak to me as an equal and someone who is worthy of your best speech. Consider me your counterpart instead of your way to attain something or gain something.
Honor me: Have high regard for me as a person. Believe that I am someone who enriches and enhances your life. Keeps my secrets and never speaks ill of me in public or private. Uphold my reputation as honorable.
Consider me: Pray for me as you would yourself, care for me as you would yourself, Clothe me as you would yourself, Feed me as you would yourself. Protect me as you would yourself. Support my goals and aspirations. Help me as I grow in this world.
With these conditions met, my counterpart will get all of my love. Thus the dance is performed. My counterpart will be reciprocated in all that he does. With these conditions our love is beautiful, pure and rich.
How could any relationship be healthy if even one of these components is missing? How can two partners dance is one of them is missing the steps? How can we thrive if the honor is gone? How could I live with someone who didn't respect me? How could I raise a family with someone is selfish, jealous and isn't considerate?
Its quite easy to fall into this trap.
Many times a woman will get caught in a web that doesn't allow her any room to grow. She will do many things to be that perfect someone for the wrong person. At the same time, the man has to make no real adjustments (read more about setting up the house here)
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